Respect respect

All of us want respect. To be disrespected is to be disregarded, discounted and dismissed. Who wants to be dis’ed like that? Who would want to treat a friend like that?

A quick google search for a definition of respect turned up this: due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others. There’s a lot in that definition.

Due regard: Who gets to decide that? The respecter or the respected?

Feelings: As determined by this moment or the next? Or the next?

Wishes: My wish for a steak or my wish for affirmation?

Rights: My right to decide my rights or your right to decide my rights?

Tradition: Heritage and values from my story - which you may know nothing about.

When it comes to respect, there is a lot up for grabs. We can easily and accidentally ignore the things that make someone respectable. Once we do that, things change. Disrespect is a game-changer. For most people, especially men, when they are disrespected, the fight or flight mechanisms kick in. Lately, we like to add “freeze” to that list, but, when it comes to disrespect, I really think it is only either fight or flight. Disrespect is a big disruptor to relationships. When it arrives, so does a quid-pro-quo showing of disrespect. We think to ourselves, “You disrespect me and then I will disrespect you.” If we don’t do that outrightly with words, we will do it with silence and separation. We usually fight or flee.

Respect changes things too. When someone experiences respect, they are built up... not by platitudes or shallow compliments, but built up in good places and in good ways. Proper respect usually gives a balanced bolstering that takes a person to a good and positive place without taking them to an egotistical and cocky place.

Show some respect! It is a valuable and uncommon relational commodity.

When you sense your disrespect button being poked, remember a couple of things:

Respect is both granted and earned. When someone disrespects you (un-earning your respect), respect them anyway. Give them a little unearned respect. It changes both you and them in that moment.

Don't take it so personally. When people disrespect you, it is usually more about them and how they are doing in the moment than it is about you. That is another reason why showing them respect in return changes things.

Acting disrespectfully in return, even though it may feel good in the moment, also disrespects you. It is a low-road response to a low-road (intentional or on-purpose) stimulus. Acting respectfully in return - a high road response - elevates our psyche, our internal conversation and our relationship.

Respect the respect. We all want it. We all can give it!

#respect #showrespect #giverespecttodisresspect #positivity #respectisgrantedandearned #braverandstrongertogether