Humility: More or Less

I was spending some time thinking about the word humility this week. That’s one of those words we commend people for having, but we might not have enough of ourselves. At other times, we may have too much humility, letting things of value in us remain latent.

I learned a new way to think about humility…a little odd, but it caught my attention. Humility can be likened to a horn – like a rhinoceros horn - a prominent horn that is hard not to notice. The trick about humility is to keep your horn prominent but not overtly accentuated.

Humility is not being more than you are, but it is also not being less than you are. Humility is as much about stepping up as it is about stepping back.

In recent months with the Covid 19 pandemic, we have all had to step back in many different ways. One way I stepped back was by skipping one of my men’s groups. It was a group where I was just a member, and I didn’t have any official role as a leader or facilitator. I kind of enjoyed stepping back from being responsible at another men’s group. I also felt a bit stretched on that particular day of the week so I started attending less frequently. Then Covid hit and I figured it was an acceptable time to scale back all the way since everyone was scaling back. I stopped attending altogether.

One of my good friends, who is the glue that keeps the group together, kept asking me if I was coming. I finally caved and carved out the time to stop in. I really enjoyed seeing everyone and felt the urge to start back up on a regular basis.

A week or two later, my friend (the glue-guy) asked me to lead a discussion, so I did. It seemed to go well. Later that week, the glue-guy and I chatted a little about how the group discussions have been going and how we might be able to make them a little more impactful. He thought I should consider facilitating the discussions each week. I was unsure if I should.

This morning I got a message from one of the glue-guys good friends. (He is kind of the #2 glue-guy). He let me know that he had heard about our discussion about tweaking the group for more impact and that he hoped I would step up and lead the group more regularly. He personally liked the structure I brought and how I was able to draw men out with good discussions.

I was surprised because I think this man could facilitate as well as I could. But he was pretty certain I could take the group to a different level and was hoping I’d step up. I thanked him and said that I would think about it as he and the other glue-guy thought about it too.

So the decision is still being deliberated. But it gave me some good reminders about humility – on stepping up and stepping back.

· I am busy enough with other things and was not sure if I wanted to commit to another regular thing in my schedule again.

· Stepping up would not take too much resource out of me, since I already facilitate the same material in two other group settings each week.

· A couple of men I respect saw what I could bring to the table and encouraged me to bring it to the group’s table.

· I am tempted to remain “stepped back”. My friends are encouraging me to step up.

Beyond that, I was challenged and encouraged by my friends who are being braver and stronger with me. Maybe you could be like my friends:

· Keep reaching out to your friends inviting them to connect with people.

· Remind your friends what you think they bring to the table.

· Encourage them to bring it to the table.

· Keep them humble so they don’t make their “horn” too large

·Keep them humble so they don’t make their “horn too small.