Catching the Ball

I loved P.E. in Middle School - especially on Fridays. That was War Ball Day! It was our P.E. teacher’s version of Dodgeball. I was never good at throwing things - I still am not. That was definitely the case with War Ball. When I would throw the ball, the competitors often caught it, taking me out of the game and bringing a previously outed guy from the other team back into the game. But, when people would throw me the ball, I could catch it. I especially loved it when I was the last person in the game. And the other team would come at me. I would taunt them as I would run backwards and when they threw the ball, if it was above my knees, I usually could catch it - to the chants and cheers of my teammates as I would gain a returning teammate and then we could go on to win the game. Those were definitely the moments middle school dreams were made of (not to mention the girls had P.E. in the same gym and they would see all of this too…)

I didn't know this “ball catching” would also become my reputation among my adult male friends. But the balls I would catch were accountability balls.

It happened recently. I had lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in a while because of social distancing due to COVID-19. I reached out to him last week to see how he, his wife, and his young family were doing. We texted a few times to set up lunch. Somewhere in those texts, he said he needed to be held accountable.

As we caught up on family, work, and such and our time seemed to be winding down, I reached out and “caught the ball”. I mentioned that he said he needed to be held accountable. I asked how I could help. So he told me the thing he needed to be held accountable for was to start attending church again - even if it was online. I said I could do that. I would text him to see if he attended church on Sundays. He said ok. We are now in an accountability relationship. It really was that easy.

Here are a few tips for holding a friend accountable.

• Ask them if they want accountability - don’t force it.

• Accountability is not nagging or guilting. It is just checking in.

• Follow through. Check in with them like you said you would. This can be a quick text. They invited you into something cool - don’t drop the ball and neglect to check in with them about it.

• Follow up. If their struggle is a little more complicated and they need help, offer to help - even if it is to help them find someone, like a counselor or pastor, to talk with.

• Share mutually. If they offer you something from them, offer them something back from you. Mutual accountability is empowering to most masculine relationships.

• Encourage them if they fail. Don’t chastise them. Don’t guilt them. Ask them what got in the way and let them know you believe they can do better next time.

I believe that personal isolation leads to personal desolation. When men don’t share their struggles with other men, they isolate themselves. When they don’t make forward movement in their lives in their problem areas, they become desolated. Desolation hurts things and kills things. Accountability is like War Ball - War Ball of the soul. When life throws them a ball to take them out, step in and catch it for them!

#braverandstrongertogether #accountability #isolationleadstodesolation #accountabilitypartner #relationshipdodgeball #gotyourback