Boredom is Dangerous

Way too many men have become stuck the moors of boredom – becoming proverbial sticks in the mud – slowly decomposing from a lack of excitement in their lives.

Most friendships, especially those among men, need more fun. Many men already have way too much seriousness in their lives.

I have always been an active person. As a child, I was the one the teacher had to separate because I was too social and was regularly causing too much ruckus in the classroom. I always pushed the fun envelope – seeing how far I could go – how much fun I could have and how much fun I could help other people have.

As I became an adult, this just got reapportioned by socially acceptable norms and some legal constraints. I am a pretty serious guy too, but fun is a wonderful serum for happiness, so I pursue it pretty seriously too! I seldom get bored - not just because I stay active, but because I don't like what boredom does to me.

"Boredom is the root of all evil." Soren Kierkegaard, 20th Danish philosopher, theologian, and cultural critic

Many studies show that bored people can be at higher risk for depression, anxiety, drug addiction, alcoholism, compulsive gambling, eating disorders, hostility, anger, poor social skills, bad grades and low work performance.

They're also...boring.

Being Braver and Stronger Together - A Real Story

More than ten years ago, I met two guys who are really close friends now. When I met them, I had a bit of an official capacity - at least in their eyes. I was a new pastor at their church and I had responsibility for overseeing their small group. I remember when I saw them the first time. There was something that caught my attention. They just stuck out to me. I thought they seemed like guys that not too many other guys had paid too much attention to – at least in a deep and meaningful way. And they seem a little bored...

• Reach out

I started reaching out to them one-on-one. From there we started once a week to talk about life while we drank coffee. We have been doing this every Friday for almost fourteen years now– with very few Fridays missed.

• Break up the monotony

After we started meeting weekly, I thought it would be a good step to reallocate our meeting to some fun times too. They both seemed to be a little rutted in routine and responsibility. I had access to a boat, and where we met for coffee was only fifteen minutes from a lake where the boat was docked. So, we decided to have our meeting one Friday at the lake. We got there, undocked the boat and set out for a couple of hours of boating and swimming.

• Make the most of the moment

We sped off into the lake – for about 1 minute – until an alarm started going off in the boat. The engine was having some sort of problem. The problem was beyond any of our understanding since none of us were really boat people. After a few minutes, we tried to set out again and the same thing happened. As it turned out, we just let the boat float as we each jumped out of the boat and swam and floated for over an hour. We chatted about things that weren’t important and a couple of things that were. There we were, in the wonderful scenery of the Arizona desert lake, floating and talking for a couple of hours on the morning of a workday. It was fun and it was relaxing, and we got closer that day.

• Keep having fun

This may not sound like loads of fun, but in the face of mundane and regular parts of life, it was a great change of pace. And I think it was one of the first fun things those guys had done in a long time – especially on a workday! It was also a crossing point in our relationship. We got closer and we started to make fun a regular part of our relationship. Soon after, we went camping – in the rain. We stand-up-paddle boarded in the rain too.

• Start fun traditions

We started to do fun things with our families every once in a while. Over the years, the group has grown to seven guys now. Every Super Bowl for the last twelve years, our families have come together for a feast, to watch commercials (and football), and see who wins the most money in a pool that we all put cash into.

• Stick Together

Over the years things have changed in each of our lives – a divorce and remarriage, the death of more than one parent, empty nesting (all but one of us are in that category now), and a relocation to an hour away (but we still meet each week). We had marital stresses, numerous job changes, and other run-of-the-mill episodes. And we have walked through all of them with each other. And all along the way, we still make it a priority to have fun with each other.

• Fight Boredom!

Last week, I went to the red rock paradise of Sedona, Arizona. This time it was with some newer friends. We hiked in the dark, and then sat under the stars on the famous Bell Rock. We ate too much. We laughed too loud. We mountain biked an epic trail right after a rain storm. We weren't bored!